JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
