She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
