A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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