i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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