the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize