My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
