we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
