Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i dont even know how to be here
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
