Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I don't deserve a penis
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Randomize
