The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
