It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
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