Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
