weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
