yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
