walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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