Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
