dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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