Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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