I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
