did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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