If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize