i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
