Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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