you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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