I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
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