I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
