Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize