she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
