Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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