Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
