I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
