Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
