The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
