Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
