My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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