forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
You can't motorboat a personality
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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