do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
