Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
