So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
You left your phone here
Wait...
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