I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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