She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Randomize
