We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
