She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
