Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
