I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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