How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
