Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
