Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
