she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
i think im in europe. pls send help
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
