i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
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