If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
