His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
he shaved USA in his pubs
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
