I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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