He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
