on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize