wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I currently don't understand fingers.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
