i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
im on a boat
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