i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
