I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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