Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
