ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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