my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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