I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
They took my balls.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
