is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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